Three Fairy Godfathers
by dreamingmarie
Summary: When Lily goes into labour, James gets unceremoniously kicked out of the bedroom. He owls his friends to cope with the suspense. How will the evening go? Written between HBP and DH.


**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
**Author's Notes:** This fic was written after a request from FPB. I would like to thank him for giving me the prompt to this fic. Beta-reading was done by the wonderful Patagonia. May she be blessed with many evil kittens.

Three Fairy Godfathers

It was one of those warm summer evenings in the English countryside. It was not yet twilight, but even though the sky was still light blue, the shadows were well on their way to conquering the day. Everything was so silent that it would have almost been rude to make a noise. The majestic trees that were lording over the hills or plotting among the meadows would not appreciate being woken up.

One person obviously seemed to wipe his feet on the repose of the countryside. He rode a flying motorbike and made the engine rev at full power. He made towards a large and respectable house, landed in front if it and sent flying an impressive shower of gravel. As soon as the motorbike had stopped after a final pirouette, he got off it and ran to the front door, his helmet still on. He rang the doorbell and took hold of the doorknob with a mischievous smile.

Soon after, someone tried to open the door.

"Who is it?" said the man behind the door. He seemed aggravated at the silly prank of the visitor.

"It's me, Sirius," answered the biker.

"What are you doing, let go of that door!"

"No, no. How do you know that it's really me?"

His host sighed. "All right. What do you tell the full moon?"

"Woof, woof."

"All right." The person behind the door tried to open it again, but Sirius had still hold of the doorknob.

"Oh, now I have to ask you a question first, James. Don't be a naughty boy, now. These are serious matters and in these troubled times it is very important to follow the advice of the Ministry very carefully."

The mock pompous tone didn't go over that well, though. There was a muffled grunt about where the Ministry should put their advice. Sirius was undeterred.

"Answer my question, now. Who are you mortally jealous of?" he enquired.

"The Giant Squid. Now come in."

Sirius finally allowed the door to be opened and he was introduced into an old-fashioned but cosy hall.

"How's it going?" he asked, taking off his jacket and his helmet and throwing them on a coat-rack. "Everything all right? How many people has she got to help her?"

"Her mother, Hestia, and a whole team of Mediwitches," answered James. "They threw me out. They said I stood in their way and, to be honest, I didn't mind too much. So I thought I might as well owl you." He tried to shrug carelessly, but it was obvious that he was sick with anxiety.

"Don't worry," answered Sirius, patting his friend on the back. "The baby will take one look at Hestia and will come out with no fuss whatsoever."

"It's not only that." James lowered his voice. "Listen, I have to tell you something, but you have to swear you won't tell anyone. Not Peter, not Remus. Nobody."

"All right. I swear."

They entered a living-room that was as warm and inviting as the entrance hall. It bore signs of recent agitation though: several books lay open on the coffee-table and on the sofa, glasses with various drinks were here and there, half-finished. Sirius helped his friend clean up a bit. When they'd Levitated the half-finished drinks to the kitchen sink, Sirius took his favourite spot on the window-sill. He looked at his friend in a very earnest manner. James leaned against the mantelpiece. He stared into space for a couple of seconds before speaking again.

"It's Dumbledore," he said. "About six weeks ago, he asked us to come to his office, Lily and me, together with the Longbottoms. He said that if our children were boys and if they were born before the end of July, then we would be in great danger."

"Why?"

"He wouldn't say. He said it was better to wait till the child was born to tell us. Apparently it's something really secret. If the baby is a girl or if it is born in August, then we have nothing to worry about, and he prefers not to tell us."

"And do you have any idea what it could be?" Sirius was staring wide-eyed at James.

"I have no idea. Maybe Voldemort needs a new-born boy to do a piece of Dark Magic, maybe it's Greyback who's taken a fancy to them…"

"He doesn't care if children are boys or girls, though, and it's not exactly a secret he's got a mind that's beyond sick!"

"I've racked my brains, Sirius, but I can't find a single explanation that makes sense…" He made a helpless movement with his hand. From above them came the muffled steps of the Mediwitches busying themselves around Lily.

Now that Sirius had a good look at James, he could see that his friend was looking more pale and worried than he had ever seen him. He patted his arm in a reassuring way.

"Come on, James, relax. There is no reason to worry yet. You still have a chance out of two that it's a girl." He took his pocketwatch out and glanced at it. "Besides, it's July 31st and it's past nine o'clock in the evening. I've heard that childbirths can take forever, so the child may very well not come till tomorrow morning. Come, there's nothing to get worked up about. I don't see why Dumbledore needed to tell you, anyway. As if you didn't have enough on your plate right now! Come on James, have a scotch. You'll feel much better."

He helped both his friend and himself to a large glass of the liquor, casting around for a topic that might take James' mind and his own off Dumbledore's words. Because, no matter how strange and hypothetical they were, he knew better than to scoff at them. Besides, he was going to be Godfather to the child.

"Did you ask Peter and Remus too?" he asked.

"Yeah, didn't you see that the owl was carrying three letters? I told him to go to you first, though."

"Oh, yes, of course! I saw the letters. So, planning to go to the European Quidditch final?"

"I dunno. It depends, you know." James tilted his head to indicate what was happening upstairs. Then he took a large gulp of Firewhisky.

"Any, er, any speculations?" asked Sirius.

James shrugged. "The Dutch are going to win, of course. They've steamrollered everybody else, so why not the French?"

"Yeah, of course. But anything more specific?"

"No. I'm not really in the mood for Quidditch, right now." He took another sip of Firewhisky and made a face.

"I don't feel like Firewhisky. I'm going to get a glass of water," he said, and he emptied his glass into a potted plant. Then he left the room.

Sirius watched him go, aghast. James not being in the mood for Quidditch was not James. What Dumbledore had told him must really have made an impression. Damn the old man!

At that moment, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," called Sirius in the direction of the kitchen. He ran to the door and held the knob firmly. He tried to call up his previous good mood again and pulled his favourite prank.

"Who is it?"

"It's Peter. That you, Sirius?"

"How do you like your toast, Peter?"

"Drenched in the blood of a thousand cats, of course."

"Good. Now your turn."

"Is it true that you made McGonagall meow?"

"No. These rumours are entirely groundless. She was the one who made me bark."

"Ah, Sirius, always the gentleman!" said Peter as Sirius let him in. "So, how is it going?"

"No idea. Apparently there's a whole bunch of females upstairs. They've thrown James out, and I really don't want to witness a child birth, so I haven't offered to take over the bedroom for him."

Peter sniggered. "A whole bunch of females and you're not chasing them? That must be a first!"

Sirius laughed and led Peter to the living-room, where James was back, leaning against the mantelpiece and holding a glass of pumpkin juice. He was staring into space, and it took him a couple of seconds to register that Peter was there. He made an attempt at composure, though, when he greeted him. Sirius helped Peter to some Firewhisky and they both settled in their usual places, Sirius on the window-sill and Peter on the right side of the sofa. Then James gulped down his pumpkin juice and poured himself a big glass of liquor.

"How's it going?" asked Peter again, staring at James's strange behaviour.

"Fine, fine," said James airily. At the same time, a door slammed above them. James blanched. Someone ran down the stairs. The door of the living-room opened on a harried-looking Mediwitch.

"We need some asphodel! Where do you keep your asphodel?" she shrieked.

James stared blankly at her.

"Oh, honestly," interjected Sirius, "why didn't you bring some?"

The Mediwitch glared at him. "Where's the asphodel? If you don't tell me, the Potion is going to fail. Quick, we can't waste any time."

Finally, the words seemed to have gotten to James's brain. "It's in the kitchen," he said. "I'll show you."

When they left, Sirius and Peter exchanged a couple of scathing remarks on her competence.

"I wouldn't be surprised if the mother and child died under her care!" concluded Peter with a nasty look.

"Don't say that!" Sirius was scandalized.

"Why?"

"Because it's Lily and James and Lily's child we're talking about!"

"I was only speaking in a general way! Anyway, you were the one who said that, if she couldn't even be bothered to bring her own asphodel, she'd probably got her diploma in a Christmas cracker! I'm sure Lily and the child will be fine!"

At that moment, James came back, so they dropped the argument.

"So, Peter," said Sirius, a bit too brightly, "How did you like the Harpy-Cannons match, Monday?"

"I've told you already, Sirius, I appreciated the view very much, but Pamela Anderson still has my preference."

"How come you went to the match? I thought you were supposed to spy on the Lestrange brothers?" asked James distractedly.

"And that's exactly what we were doing," said Sirius.

"Anyway, we didn't have any more luck than Moody," chimed in Peter. "They didn't do anything suspicious, just going to the Quidditch match and watching it."

"Were there a lot of people in the audience?"

"There were quite a few people when we got there, weren't there, Peter? But then they saw the Lestranges and nearly everybody left, except of course one dog and one rat."

"They are going to kill professional Quidditch," said James, but, for once, there wasn't much conviction in it.

With that, James's capacity to join normal conversation seemed to be up. He shrugged and started pacing in front of the fireplace. Sirius looked at him in a preoccupied way. Maybe it was better to let him be for a while, he thought. He resumed his conversation with Peter.

"But who in their right mind is going to think about Voldemort when Jasmine Bleeth is wearing such short robes that you can see her knickers?" he said reminiscently. "I bet she made them forget all about any orders they might have had from Voldemort! They were really nice knickers, too."

"I thought you believed that the Lestranges were mental for letting your cousin in their family?" said Peter, a tad surprised at his friend's sympathy for the Lestrange brothers.

"Yeah, but they're still human! The way I know Bella, poor old Rodolphus is not getting any. I bet that Jasmine really gave him a treat!"

Peter laughed. There was a pause in the conversation as the noise upstairs became a little more frantic. Then it died down again.

"Where's Remus, by the way?" asked Peter.

"Dunno," answered James. "Maybe he hasn't got my owl yet."

"That's strange. He doesn't live that far from me and your owl left straight after it gave me your message."

"Well, you know he's rarely home," said Sirius. "He's always on the road to eradicate some Dark creature or other. No doubt he's chasing an escaped runespoor down a dark alley and having a philosophical conversation with it."

"I don't know," said Peter. "I wonder if he's really as busy chasing Dark creatures as he says."

"Why?" asked Sirius sharply.

"I don't know. Just a feeling." Sirius gave him a sceptical look and shrugged.

"So, er, what's actually happening upstairs?" asked Peter.

"There's a baby getting born, Wormtail. Merlin, are you in the running for the daftest question of the year?"

Peter shot Sirius a venomous look. "I mean," he said a bit resentfully, "how is it happening?"

"Don't ask me," said Sirius. "When Regulus was born, I was sent to my uncle and aunt's for two weeks. When I came back my mother said 'Oh, look what we found on the doorstep, a nice little brother for Sirius.'"

He had said the last bit with a high-pitched voice and a grimace. For a second, Peter wondered what was going on. He had been around Sirius for long enough to know that he only started talking about his mother when he was in a really bad mood, which seemed to contrast with the door prank and the talk about Jasmine Bleeth. Maybe he was sharing a secret with James again, but for once it wasn't such a happy secret and that was why James was so distracted. He wondered if Remus was in it, too. He made a mental note to try and find out.

In the meantime, he didn't want to listen to another rant about Sirius' mother. Therefore he chose to pursue the subject of childbirth.

"James, you have any idea?"

"Seriously, Peter, you don't want to know. I had to see a Healer, at Saint Mungo's, to learn how it works, so I could help in case. Well, I saw pictures and it's not pretty, I tell you. There's blood involved, and…stuff, and the baby is all slimy, you have to wash it and cut off the umbilical cord…"

James made a face and finished his Firewhisky. The two others were watching him with emotions of curiosity mingled with disgust. The doorbell rang again.

"I'll get it," said Sirius. Once at the door, he did his old joke again.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Remus." He sounded depressed.

"Where did you get these shoes?" asked Sirius in a falsetto voice. Remus sighed heavily before he answered.

"In Lily's closet. Who is the most beautiful woman on Earth?"

"There can be no doubt about that, Remus. It's you, obviously." This was said in a flirty way that usually didn't fail to make Remus laugh. Not this time.

"What's wrong with you, mate?" he asked as Remus dragged himself into the hall.

"Nothing."

"Oh, come on, you look as if you're coming back from your own funeral."

"No, I swear, I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it now."

This was too much of a golden opportunity for Sirius to pass. If this didn't distract James from his worries, nothing would. Cheering up Remus had been a Marauding duty ever since they'd learnt who had bitten him.

"Gentlemen," Sirius announced, "Remus Lupin. There's nothing wrong with him, he's fine and he doesn't want to talk about it."

The effect was immediate. James, who had been blinking profusely because of the drunkenness that was slowly building up, rallied and offered Remus the best place on the sofa. Peter rushed to the liquor to help him to some Firewhisky. Remus shot a murderous glare at Sirius, who made a helpless gesture.

"Come on, Remus. Out with it," said James earnestly.

"No, really. I'm going to be fine. Just leave me be, all right?"

"Remus, my child is getting born at this moment. I don't want you to be depressed now. So just tell us, so that we can make you feel right again, okay?"

"Look, it's exactly because your child is getting born that I don't want to talk about it."

"Now you've said too much, Remus," said Peter. "Just tell us and be over with it. Because now you've made me curious."

"Fine," snapped Remus. "But don't come complaining that I was inappropriate afterwards."

"You know we won't," said James placatingly. "Now just tell your story."

"Well, just before I got your owl, I was reading the _Evening Prophet_. Greyback has attacked another child. Two years old. He died from his wounds this morning in Saint Mungo's."

There was a nasty silence in the room.

"I told you it was inappropriate!" he continued. "Now don't blame me."

"But," said Peter hesitatingly, "Yesterday wasn't full moon, was it?"

"No, it wasn't," answered Remus before Sirius could snap at Peter's slowness again. "The baby staid several days in Saint Mungo's before he died. But, what I mean is," and he looked earnestly at all his friends in turn, "This could happen to me, too. I could bite a child, too. I could bite your baby, James," he sniffed.

It was obvious that he was fighting back tears. It was James who answered.

"Don't worry, Moony. I wouldn't let you. You know very well that, should anything happen, I could keep you away from the baby. Besides, the child will be sleeping on the first floor, with closed doors and barred windows." He said this a bit thickly, as he had to think hard to keep his conversation coherent. "Lily and I are not complete fools," he added, "You're being a bit paranoid now, you know."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I should never have brought it up."

Having shared his sorrow, Remus felt much better. He took a large gulp of Firewhisky and looked around him.

"You know," he said, "It's a bit as if we were fairy godmothers."

"Speak for yourself!" said Sirius, "I'm definitely a god_father_."

"A fairy what?" asked James, giggling.

"You mean we're going to give the baby magical gifts?" asked Peter.

"Well, maybe not exactly," answered Remus. Then he looked at James and Sirius' non-plussed faces. "A bit like in Muggle fairy tales, you know, when a prince or a princess is born and there are good witches, or fairies, who come to offer the baby gifts?"

But James and Sirius still had no idea what he was talking about. Before Remus could explain, though, James started feeling very unwell.

"Hold on," he said, "I think I had a bit too much to drink. I'm going to get myself something to eat. I don't want to be drunk when my child gets born"

"I'm coming with you," said Sirius.

They went to the kitchen, where James bent over the sink and washed his face.

"I can't believe I drank so much," he said.

"You poured yourself a full glass of Firewhisky, mate," answered Sirius.

"Why didn't you stop me?"

"I thought you would throw it away again, like the rest," answered Sirius again. "You've got to pull yourself together, James. You're not going to be any help to the kid or anybody else by getting drunk. Come on, where do you keep your dittany?"

"In the cupboard, over there."

Sirius got some of it in a small cauldron with some water. He added a bit of salt and pepper, tapped his wand on the cauldron to heat it up and stirred the stuff a couple of times. Just before it started boiling, he poured it in a glass and pushed it in James's hand.

"Drink up," he said. "You'll feel much better."

When they got back to the sitting-room, Remus and Peter excitedly talked about a story called Sleeping Beauty.

"That sounds good. What's it about?" asked Sirius.

"Well, it's about this princess who has fairy godmothers coming to see her at her birth, and they give her beauty, intelligence, kindness and stuff," told Remus.

"So you think we should give James and Lily's kid beauty?" said Sirius again.

"My kid will have all that naturally. It won't need any of your help, thank you very much!" said James. Thanks to Sirius's quick potion, the drunkness was gone. James was doing his best to be calm.

"That's not what I meant," answered Remus. "But we could teach him, or her, things that could be useful!"

"You're absolutely right!" Sirius seemed quite taken with the idea. "I'll teach the kid everything about the opposite sex, because it's not with the track-record of his parents that he, or she, is going to learn anything, or with his gender-confused fairy godmothers."

Remus and Peter protested loudly about being called "godmothers".

"You will do no such thing!" added James.

"Oh, will you look at that?" answered Sirius, "The baby is not even born yet, but Daddy is already being strict!"

Remus and Peter laughed heartily. While James was still looking daggers at him and thinking of a worthy comeback, Sirius hastily shifted target.

"So, Remus, what would you teach the kid?"

Remus was slightly taken-aback.

"I don't know," he said, "I suppose I could teach him about Dark Creatures. Or her."

"And I," Peter chimed in, "could go to Hogwarts as Wormtail and tell the kid all the secret passages!"

"Merlin, Peter, with your sense of orientation? You would lead him straight to McGonagall!"

It was always like that, thought Peter. There was something up between Sirius and James, and he was the one who got the blows. James would never have dared point out to Remus that, as a werewolf, he was the best qualified to teach about Dark Creatures. But he, Peter, was always at the butt of the joke. It grated on him more and more.

"And, anyway, there is no reason to believe that the baby will be in Gryffindor," said Remus reasonably.

"Come on, Remus, with Lily and James as parents, where do you want the kid to be?" interjected Sirius.

"Well, if we reason like that, you would have been in Slytherin."

"Are you comparing Lily and James to my parents?" Sirius said angrily.

Sirius had stood up. He was looking at Remus as if he was ready to throttle him.

"I was speaking theoretically, Sirius. For all we know, the baby will end up in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. Such things can happen."

"That's true," conceded Sirius.

There was a nasty silence. Then there was a piercing scream. Within a split second they all had their wands at the ready. They recognized Lily's voice.

"The Mediwitches. How well do you know them?" asked Sirius sharply.

"They were recommended by Dumbledore. He swore they were clean, or I would never have let them in," answered James.

"Let's have a look," said Remus.

James opened the door magically. It didn't make a sound. After a glance in the hall, they started ascending the stairs, one after the other, as silently as possible. As soon as the door of the sleeping-room came into view, James pointed his wand at it.

"_Muffliato,"_ he whispered.

There was nothing in the corridor. In the sleeping-room, on the other hand, it seemed to be pandemonium. Lily was still screaming.

Sirius and Remus positioned themselves swiftly at either side of the door. James stood in front of it, with Peter at his rear. One flick of James' wand and the door swung open.

For a split second, they saw Lily on the bed, her face screwed up in pain, yelling, pushing the child out. Half a dozen witches were around her, holding her hand, encouraging her, or ready to receive the child. Then someone yelled "shut the door!" and the door slammed on them again.

For an instant, they just stood there, stunned. Then Sirius sunk to the floor, his back against the wall, and started laughing. The others joined him nervously, and soon they were all rolling on the floor with tears in their eyes.

"Are we stupid or what?" asked Sirius between two fits of uncontrollable giggles.

"Man, I thought the Death Eaters had invaded," said Remus.

"So did I," added Peter. "I thought she was getting tortured."

"Mind you, it's probably just as if," remarked Remus.

"Yeah," added James earnestly.

"Come on, let's go down again," said Remus.

Once they were back in the living-room, they didn't say much anymore. They knew that it would be over any moment now. They listened to the sounds coming from upstairs, waiting eagerly for the moment that Lily would stop screaming. James had taken up pacing in front of the fireplace again.

Then the screaming stopped. They watched the ceiling in suspense, not moving, hardly daring to breathe. Then there were footsteps coming down the stairs again. The door opened on the same Mediwitch who had come for asphodel. Now she was smiling as if she could hardly allow herself to do it.

"It's a boy," she said.

"A boy!" cried James, "I have a boy! I have a son!" It looked as if he was going to burst into tears of happiness. Remus and Peter took one of his hands each to congratulate him. They were both overjoyed.

"Can we see him? How is Lily?" asked James in one breath.

"The mother is resting," said the Mediwitch with as much dignity as possible. "You can see the boy, but I must insist on absolute quiet."

As the three others burst out of the room to go see the baby, Sirius stayed behind for a second. He took out his watch. It said half past eleven. That meant that, if Dumbledore was right, the baby and his parents would be in great danger. He closed his watch and put it back in his pocket. He didn't want to tell James yet. It wasn't fair to have him worry when such a wonderful thing had just happened. He looked at the door, and before going to meet his godson, he swore to himself that he would do anything in his power to protect him.


End file.
